I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's never too late to be topless.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
