For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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