dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
