I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
smell my finger.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
