Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
