So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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