I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
