she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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