Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
