I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've blown a few things in my day
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
