why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
