Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
