I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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