fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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