Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
