brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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