i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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