I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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