Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
