ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
