I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
