Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
