I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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