On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
