I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
