I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
