u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
And then my night got REAL pukey
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
