He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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