wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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