I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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