I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
