Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
