he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
