He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
