he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
