You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
