I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
