I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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