so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
