Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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