goodnight i made you a song goodbye
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
