I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
