At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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