I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
