You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
