It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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