If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
