I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
