im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
