I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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