I'm going to jail i love you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
