It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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