just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
