best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
