trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
